What I’ve learned from Cats (and Women)

My pets are unique. They’re unique because I’m always home – which means they get to see “me” all the time. They’ve learned a lot from a human being. My cats eat like me. I’ll get to that in a moment.

I have this one cat – a Blue Russian – she’s an eating MACHINE. I’m pretty sure this is just in her nature – but watching me eat over the years probably hasn’t helped. In any event – I need to feed my cats manually throughout the day – as opposed to what you’d normally do: fill a bowl with food for each one every morning.

I could have five cats all with a bowl full of food in the morning – and they’d ALL be empty after their first meal because the Blue Russian would eat everything the other cats didn’t finish. So that’s that. I feed my cats 4-5 times per day – depending on how many hours I’m awake.

Autonomous cars a serious threat to safety

I tested the autonomous driving feature in the 2016 Honda Accord Touring Sedan and it works well. I was cruising on the highway and took my hands off the steering wheel but kept them close enough as I don’t expect the car to replace the human being at this point in time. I had my hands hovering over the wheel. But it really did work well. I see this autonomous feature as a TERRIBLE thing. I’m a 45 year old man (in September) – I know better. But a lot of younger people are going to die because of this safety technology. Parents are going to buy their children vehicles with autonomous capabilities under the assumption that it’s going to help their child survive a would-be accident. This line of thinking is going to backfire too many times…

I look around and see so many people looking down into their lap while driving. It’s crazy. Nobody is looking straight ahead anymore. And those who ARE looking straight ahead – the majority of them are holding a phone in their hand having a conversation. It is VERY dangerous on the road these days. Very dangerous. Even the few that are actually paying attention – a portion of them are just simply bad drivers anyway. As far as I’m concerned – when I’m driving – I’m the only capable driver on the road. I hope for the best but expect the worst at all times. I don’t even like TALKING while I’m driving anymore. I put the music on and I prefer if my passengers just STFU. Driving is just too dangerous nowadays…

GMC Invents Unnecessary Child Death Prevention

You’re on your way to the local frozen yogurt shop in your GMC Yukon Denali when suddenly your cell phone beeps! It’s your boyfriend and his wife is going out of town tonight. All bets are off and whatever you were doing two moments ago is ancient history. You run to the liquor store and buy as much alcohol as you can afford so you can potentially convince him to leave his wife.

While at the liquor store you get another text message. Your best friend just sent you a shirtless picture of (insert your favorite guy here). You pass out and wake up several hours later. You run back to your SUV, speed home, park in your driveway, stumble out of the Denali in excitement and dash inside your home. But something is missing. Oh my GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where’s your kid?