Sal's Blog of Nothing

Why is it so difficult for police officers to lead by example?

July 14th, 2010 No Comments

Let me get right to the damn point. Why can’t police officers obey the speed limits on the road? Not only do they speed, they do so blatantly – because *I* speed – and they pass me. I always drive five miles per hour over the speed limit. Reason being, all speed limits are set too low for me. Especially for my car – which handles and brakes amazingly being a BMW. Some cars are easier to drive fast with than others.

Now cops are always driving at LEAST five to ten miles per hour faster than I am. Is this leading by example? Why is this accepted in society? First it’s speeding, then it’s on to other things. Nobody is supposed to be above the law in America.

The way it’s supposed to work is if the need presets itself, the officer driving the vehicle turns his or her police lights on and proceeds accordingly. This indicates that there’s an emergency and the high speed is warranted.

But cops speed all over the place because they can. It’s annoying – especially here in Half Ass Palm Beach County where we have 45 mile per hour speed limits on some of our four lane highways – and 5000 cops.

So while I have to drive around like a great grandmother who can’t see past her fuckin’ nose, those “privileged” enough to be a police officer can drive to the best of their ability.

I respect cops and all their hard work. Sometimes they have the most difficult job in the world. But not all of us work at department stores where the top priority is making sure the shelves are stocked neatly. We all have our reasons for driving over the ridiculous, ancient speed limits set during a time when roads were far more hazardous and cars handled like boats. It’s just us regular citizens who get penalized for doing it.

Enjoy doing exactly what you signed up for the police man job to prevent.

Women’s Hyphenated Names

July 14th, 2010 No Comments

So I went with my wife to watch her Vampire movie last night – Eclipse – and it was mostly boring. There was one decent scene for guys where the vampires and werewolves teamed-up to fight these new-born vampires – but that was at the very end, lasted about one minute and didn’t make up for the rest of the movie. The rest was 150% chick flick.

Towards the end when what’s his name called what’s her name ‘whatever her name is’ with HIS last name at the end (since they were getting married), she said something like, “At least hyphenate my last name! It’s the new millennium!” (like everyone is doing it) or something stupid like that. That part of the scene was obviously an afterthought probably added for some lunatic feminist sponsor because you could tell it was just kinda stuck in there – it wasn’t smooth at all…

Okay, so what’s the deal? Women used to hyphenate their last names quite often in the distant past – but it’s been rare in recent decades.. Apparently, somebody has an agenda to bring this back. But why? How many women out there want to keep their last name? Why not just stop changing names altogether? Oh, then there’s the kids.. Okay – so when you have a child, the husband and wife can either agree on which last name to give it – or let the government pick one for you.

The name changing thing has worked for a long time. Why fix what’s not broken? I don’t really like the hyphenated last name but since all the married women are using it on Facebook (so friends can find them – what other way is there?) maybe it’ll come back to the mainstream. My wife even asked me about it when we got married 6 years ago.. It didn’t seem traditional to me and I asked her to simply take my last name. She did and I appreciate that. Honestly, I’d rather see women keep their original last name than hyphenate it with a new one.

Road Complaints

July 9th, 2010 No Comments

How is it that we’re living in the year 2010 and we still have to sit at a red (traffic) light for a full minute when there’s nobody coming down the road on the side where it’s green? For God’s sake! We can fly to the moon! We can split an atom! We can PROBABLY even travel through TIME for all we know (as worthless pee-ons) – but we can’t figure out how to put sensors in, under or on the roads so that traffic lights can function accordingly with the existing traffic condition. Is it just me?! It CAN’T be! Say it ain’t so!

And not only THAT! But why does it take the people who work on these roads so long to fix whatever it is they’re fixing?! I mean COME ON already! I guess this is what unions are for. Pay the workers to do nothing.

I don’t know how it is by you – but here in south Florida it takes five years for the town, county or whoever the fuck fixes the streets with our tax money – five years to fix a few miles worth of road! How long did it take to build the roads we have today? How long have there been paved roads in America?! Since the early 1900′s? Probably. Right? And most of our roads were probably already built by the 60s. Right? So how long did it take to build all the roads in America from scratch? 40? 50 years?! At the rate people work these days – if we started building our paved roads right now, we wouldn’t be half done by the year 3000! No wonder we’re giving our jobs away to foreigners. Mexicans do the kinds of jobs Americans won’t do – which is everything. Losers.

Cadillac! Lose The Stupid Lock Stalks Already!

July 4th, 2010 No Comments

What the holy fuckin’ satanic hell are these brain dead executives and designers thinking when it comes to lock stalks?! Don’t know what a lock stalk is? It’s that stupid piece of plastic that sticks out near the top/back of the doors on what used to be a small but comfortable arm rest – especially convenient when driving with the windows fully opened.

Chances are you have no idea what I’m talking about since most car companies stopped using these stupid things in the 80s. But Cadillac, in their ultimate wisdom, still feels the need to stick these annoying pieces of plastic on the doors. Why?! What purpose do they serve other than to stick in my arm?

Most other car companies either don’t have the stupid piece sticking out anymore – or if they do, it disappears into the door once locked. Genius, huh? I bet somebody at Cadillac is going to read this blog, set up a strategic meeting with the joint chiefs of staff (Cadillac is government owned at this point in time), and present this idea in some big board room with a bunch of fat executives who try to figure out how BMW, Mercedes, Audi, Lexus, Infiniti, Acura and fuckin’ Kia do it. Maybe they’ll even contact the Chinese government for ideas on how to redesign their automobiles and learn meditation techniques to help them think outside the box.

Stop putting fucking lock stalks on the doors! It’s not 1977 anymore!

Sprinklers On Rainy Days

July 4th, 2010 No Comments

So now that I’m sitting on the balcony of my room on a cruise ship, almost drunk, with no Internet connection at the moment, I can blog about this rant that’s been on my mind for about a week now.

Down in south Florida when we’re having water restrictions where you can only water your lawn or wash you car on certain days of the week… Why is it okay for the town to be running the sprinkler systems in the rain? It’s 2010. Isn’t there a way to set up the system where when it’s raining out, a controller can turn off these sprinklers during storms? What a waste of water! The town should be fined for running the sprinklers during rain storms – and again for be so “Floridian” lazy that they never upgraded the system to allow for settings that would prevent this waste of precious water. Isn’t it better to be proactive than reactive?

What’s YOUR opinion? I’d like to know…

P.S. I must admit that I really only even thought about this because one day right after I had my car washed, waxed and detailed in my driveway, the gleam and shine only lasted a few minutes as I road out of my development into wet streets because the stupid sprinklers were spraying water all over the place – including into the street. I live in a community where people have Rolls Royces, Aston Martins, Bentleys, Ferraris and Lamborghinis – and I’m quite certain these people are just as disturbed as I am to have their freshly cleaned automobile dirtied only seconds after pulling out of their driveway.

Can’t somebody figure out a way to keep the water on the GRASS?! I know, bicker, bicker, bicker.. It just pisses me off…

Tips For Cashiers? WTF?!

June 16th, 2010 No Comments

Is it just me? Or does it annoy the hell out of anyone else? You know what I’m talking about. The “tip” or “gratuity” line where you sign when paying by credit card at a store or food joint like Field of Greens, Starbucks or wherever. Aren’t the employee’s wages the responsibility of the business owner? Since when did it become our responsibility – as customers – to pay a portion of this besides what we already pay when we purchase the product? Is anybody falling for this? Must be otherwise they’d stop this nonsense.

As customers, don’t we pay enough of a markup on the goods we’re purchasing? No. Now we need to relieve some of the responsibility of paying the owner’s employees. If I were the boss, I’d have a much easier time convincing potential employees to accept a lower wage considering the fact that tips will be factored in – paid by customers.

I’m not complaining about tipping at all. I’m a very good tipper. But in order to get a good tip, there’s a few things I expect in return. First, I expect table service. In other words, I expect to be attended to. When I need a refill of what I’m drinking, I don’t expect to wait for very long. I expect my order to be brought to me – the right way – or at the very least, close to it. I expect my food to be cooked or prepared to order (medium well, rare, well done, etcetera). And I expect a pleasant experience dealing with the waiter or waitress. Isn’t that what we all give gratuity in return for?

What are we getting from the cashier that warrants this gratuity? And at what percentage are we supposed to tip? If I order a $5.00 iced coffee, am I expected to tip $1.00? I’d feel a little weird putting anything less than a dollar in the tip area. But in this case, that’s a 20% tip – for what? Ringing up my order? I’m guessing most people who feel the need to fill in the tip area throw in at least a dollar. So if this becomes the norm, and the cashier rings up 50 people in a day, he/she makes $50.00 on tips alone? If I were the business owner, I’d certainly pay nothing over minimum wage if there’s a potential for a (probably) part time cashier earning $50.00 per day on gratuity alone.

It looks like it’s only a matter of time before we not only pay the marked-up price of the goods we buy, but also the employees salary. Personally, I think this is the business owner’s responsibility – and it’s shameful that he/she is technically looking to hand this over to the customers…

Well that’s what I think, anyway… How about you?

I Could Care Less. Really?

June 8th, 2010 No Comments

Doesn’t anyone realize that when a person says, “I can care less” – it ACTUALLY means that they CARE?!

“You know what, Sal?! I could care less!”

Well, thank you! That’s wonderful! I’m thrilled that you care and that what I just told you doesn’t lie at the bottom of your list of things to care about – since you CAN care LESS about other things.

Now if you told me the following:

“You know what, Sal?! I couldn’t care less!”

Well then I might be a little offended! Heck! If you couldn’t possibly care any less about what I said, than I suppose it pretty much means nothing to you – and I just wasted my breath (or key strokes in this case).

So today’s lesson is… Think before you speak! Don’t just copy off of everyone else and assume they know what the F! (heck) they’re saying! Most people on this planet don’t have a clue! Hell! They place a vote for the Presidency of the United States of America based on hearsay – just like everybody else.

Women… And Sex…

April 15th, 2010 No Comments

A good friend told me about this girl he had sex with a few weeks ago. We both happen to know the girl for quite some time. He mentioned that she’d be uncomfortable with me knowing what they’d done. Obviously, he told me – but between guys – this is no big deal. The girl, however, didn’t want to be thought of as a slut or whatever. It WAS the first night they’d met.

Oh! So that’s different now. Right? Wrong… Who cares? What does it matter? Between two concenting adults, what’s the big deal about having sex? Or how long you both have to suffer and wait until you can do it without it being considered “taboo”?!

You stupid sheep. The only reason this is even a thought of consideration in your mind is because you’ve been molded by society to feel this way. And I’ve finally figured out why.

It’s unfortunate, but sex is always going to be taboo for women. It was going to happen to one sex or another – and why not the cleaner one? Us men with hair eventually coming out of every hole in our bodies are already dirty and crappy looking (unless meticulously groomed).

Now if society allowed for women to be as open about sex as us men are, two things would happen. First, the planet would become over-populated in a single generation. In fact, probably in about nine months time. With this over-population would come starvation, disease and various other third-world nation type scenarios.

Next would be a massive increase (of epic proportions) of sexually transmitted diseases like you could never imagine. If we’ve already got as many STDs as we have while half the population is practically ashamed of having sex, imagine what it would be like if we were all open and free about it?

Anyway. There’s no such thing as a slut. Have sex with whoever you want and stop being such a F’ing fairy about it. What are you a princess? Good luck and live happily ever after in fairy land.

Life is……..

April 2nd, 2010 No Comments

Hmm. I provide my wife with a beautiful home, nice cars, shoes, pocketbooks, hair, nails and cosmetic accessories out the ying yang, weekly massages, healthy food, cruises and various vacations several times per year. I have a career that I love. I’m healthy and in excellent shape. And I’m a decent, honest guy. My goodness. Who’d have ever thought I would manage all this. I really don’t feel all that different from the guy who had no car and had to walk an hour to work in the rain thirteen or fourteen years ago. I think life has treated me well. If I were to die tomorrow, I’ll feel like I accomplished everything I really needed to – besides living to a ripe old age. Though I WILL be 40 in 2011. But that’s not exactly ripe. Unless you’re under 30, I suppose.

If I do live long enough, I’d like a few more things. I’d like to see Hawaii, China, Japan, Australia and maybe Italy. I’d like to own either a Ferrari or Lamborghini for a short time. I’d like to own a Rolls Royce, Bentley or Maybach for the long-term. I’d like a Yacht that I can live on for a month at a time throughout the year – and bring all my friends and family with me. And I think I’d like a home on Billionaire’s Row in Palm Beach, Florida. I think that’s about it.

If I live to the age of a normal, healthy man, I will succeed in obtaining these things. I have no doubt in my mind. This post will serve as my checklist as the years go by. In any event, I’m happy. And I guess that’s what this post is really all about. Life is good. I’m glad I decided to stick around – even when, at times, it seemed there was no reason.

Today’s Lesson: Earn your own money…

February 9th, 2010 No Comments

A woman on a web forum says the following:

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200-250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings

- Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

A businessman responds:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time. I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said, here’s how I see it.

Your offer is plain and simple a bad business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you’re suggesting is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the table and I bring my money. Fine. Simple. But here’s the rub. Your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income will increase but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain. You’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage…

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
———-

The moral of this story is, if you’re a woman looking for a man to depend on financially, it would certainly be a better idea to be financially independent and make your own money. Would it not? Control your own destiny. It usually does not end up good if you can’t take care of yourself.