Sal's Blog of Nothing

Today’s Lesson: Earn your own money…

February 9th, 2010 No Comments

A woman on a web forum says the following:

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200-250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

- What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings

- Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

A businessman responds:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time. I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said, here’s how I see it.

Your offer is plain and simple a bad business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you’re suggesting is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the table and I bring my money. Fine. Simple. But here’s the rub. Your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income will increase but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain. You’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage…

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
———-

The moral of this story is, if you’re a woman looking for a man to depend on financially, it would certainly be a better idea to be financially independent and make your own money. Would it not? Control your own destiny. It usually does not end up good if you can’t take care of yourself.

A Man’s Hairy Ass

February 6th, 2010 No Comments

After a grueling cardio workout this morning, already uncomfortable and exhausted, I walked into the men’s locker room (I wish I could just use the other one) and to my stout disappointment the first thing I saw was a man bending over with his hairy ass facing straight at me. More often than not, I walk into the locker room with my eyes about chest-level to avoid making eye contact. Making eye contact in a men’s locker room in South Florida isn’t the best idea if you’re straight. Anyway, my sore eyes wished they were looking higher today..

A few days ago, I walked into the locker room, started washing up and noticed an older guy in his 50s sitting about 10 feet away from me by the lockers to the right. There’s a mirror in front of the sinks so it was easy to see what happened next out of the corner of my eye. A few moments later, another guy walked in and used the locker right next to him. He proceeded to strip naked. The older guy was probably already uncomfortable before the other guy turned around and had his ass in the older guy’s face. He was only a few inches away. The older guy probably smelled his dirty ass. Even worse, his penis and testicles were surely dangling just a few inches away – I’m glad I didn’t have to see that…

Personally, I think locker rooms should have established, dedicated areas where it’s okay to be naked. Maybe an unwritten rule – or just a sign stating that for the courtesy of others, please don’t fully undress “in this section”. Would that be such a bad thing?

I know, it’s probably just me. I’m an oddball. I never changed in locker rooms with other guys before. Never. I was just never comfortable with it. I don’t know why. But that’s me. Deal with it. So maybe all the rest of you men like prancing around in locker rooms with penises and balls bouncing around. That’s great. To each his own…

Why Switch to Bing?!

December 25th, 2009 No Comments

There’s a saying that goes something like, “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it”. I can understand switching browsers because some are faster than others – and some just suck (like Internet Explorer). But why switch search engines if you’re already using Google?

Is Bing really going to last? If so, it’s only because it’s integrated into Internet Explorer and Windows (it is, right?). Why else would it succeed? Does it do anything better than Google? Nope. Does Google do anything better than Bing? Yes. So why switch?

Microsoft should just concentrate on their operating system. Once everyone realizes that Windows isn’t the be all, end all of O.S.’s, they’re going to lose the kind of leverage that allows an endeavor like Bing to stay above water long enough to avoid catastropic failure.

Those of you who’ve switched from Google to Bing – why did you do it? I’m not expecting any replies because #1, nobody reads my blog – but #2, because I doubt anyone has really switched.

Bing. There’s a sucker born every minute.

I can tell when you’re lying…

November 27th, 2009 No Comments

No, I’m not a human lie detector like Robert De Niro in Meet the Parents – but I’m pretty damned good at figuring out whether or not someone is telling the truth… I recently had somebody lie to me – but I didn’t confront them about it. It didn’t affect my life in any way – so I didn’t really care – but it was so obvious to me.

When I was a kid, I lied about everything. My age, where I was born, where I lived, where I was, where I went, where I was going, what I ate for dinner, whatever. After awhile, I became so good at lying that I’d compete with myself to see exactly what I could get away with. I began to lie constantly – almost habitually – until I became bored with it and stopped entirely at around 16 years of age.

Nowadays, I can’t remember the last time I lied.. Not including white lies: “Yes, I love your idea”, “Yeah, that huge exhaust pipe looks good on your Honda Civic”, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” (just kidding about that last one – I did! Just kidding again). For me, it’s very easy to stay out of trouble. Depending on my mood, I’m either very happy or content with my life. Why lie? It’s more garbage that you have to keep stored in your head until the day you die… If you don’t keep your B.S. stored and ready for instant retrieval at any given moment, (including an entire plan of action to fix your mistake if you DO make one) you will eventually crash and burn. Believe me. I know. Honesty is the best policy… Along with “Don’t sweat the small stuff”, that is some of the best advice you’ll ever receive.

So how can I tell when somebody is lying? It’s easy – whatever you’re doing as you’re lying – I’ve already done a thousand times. Every mistake you make when you’re lying to me – I’ve already made – a thousand times. I know exactly how you feel when you’re telling me your lie. I know exactly how you speak when you’re telling me your lie. I’m incredibly familiar with your facial expressions, your attitude, your tone, at what points in your sentence you raise your voice or get quiet – when you try to change the subject. I know exactly how you’ll answer certain questions when you’re lying – because I’ve already been there and done that (you guessed it) – a thousand times. Believe me – I’ve lied more than you. Honestly.

(I know what you’re thinking… “Good for you!” Whatever. I’m very much at peace with my life and what I’ve become. To each his/her own.)

So while it’s already too late to make a long story short – don’t lie to me. Don’t say a word if you’re not going to tell me the truth. More often than not, I’m not going to care about your situation. There’s no reason to feel you need to explain anything to me… It’s not like I’m going to be in court giving a character reference. (Am I?) But if you lie – I’m going to know it – and I’m probably going to lose a little bit of respect for you. First, for insulting my intelligence. Second, for being dishonest as an adult. We’re not kids anymore… Stop lying…

Is it me? Or is it everybody else?

November 21st, 2009 No Comments

Have things changed so much that people are no longer comfortable driving around with their windows opened? Has society become such a bunch of intraverts with the Internet as their new reality that the possibility of outdoor human interaction is frightening to them?

Five years ago when I lived in New York, people opened their windows to experience the air and outdoors every chance they had. Here in South Florida in 2009, even when it’s beautiful out at 70 degrees on a clear, sunny day – people are driving around with their windows closed and their air conditioners on. Are people just in such a habit of automatically getting into their cars and doing this? Or do they just feel more secure closed-up inside their box – safe from other human beings?

Maybe with all the F’ing nut cases in the world (rapists, murderers, thieves, baby f’ers, etcetera) people would rather just avoid interaction at all costs. Even beyond the fear of interaction, I think people just want to be invisible altogether. If they drive around with their tinted windows closed, it’s almost as if they don’t even exist.

What do you think? And by the way… If you read this blog and don’t leave your opinion, you’re an idiot.

Have a nice day!

Putting Light Exercise Into Perspective

November 1st, 2009 No Comments

I think people put too much faith in the “exercise” of walking around shopping. I jog on an eliptical machine and burn approximately one calorie every five seconds or so. That being said, how long do you think it takes you to burn a single calorie slowly browsing the aisles in a department store – stopping evey few seconds? Probably about thirty seconds – right?

So when you’re casually shopping, you’re burning about sixty calories every half an hour. That’s not even a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. And you’re wondering why you don’t lose any weight “with all the exercise” you get. And then you have “briskly walking” in your target heartrate “fat burning zone”. Well that’s a bunch of sad wishful thinking. Yes, it burns fat – but the more effort you put into it, the better the results you’ll get. Walking faster than “briskly” will get you much better results – and might actually burn enough fat for somebody to notice.

If being in shape was easy, don’t you think everybody would be that way? Stop procrastinating and do what needs to be done. Stop waiting until next week to get started. Nobody’s going to hold your hand and do it for you.

If you’re a woman, all you have to do is get skinny. That’s the big challenge. Along the way you can lift a weight here or there and get toned. Easy. If you’re a man, well, that’s a different story. You have to be skinny AND big at the same time. Isn’t THAT a crock?! Not only do you have to sweat your jiggidies off doing cardio, but you have to break your back lifting weights that you can bearly budge to build muscle that your body doesn’t want (due to homeostasis). So have a good time fighting with mother nature. But for God’s sake – get started.

Is Our President Bought and Owned by Lobbies?

October 1st, 2009 No Comments

“Because the Israel lobby has gradually become one of the most powerful interest groups in the United States, candidates for high office pay close attention to its wishes. The individuals and groups in the United States that make up the lobby care deeply about Israel, and they do not want American politicians to criticize it, even when criticism might be warranted and might even be in Israel’s own interest. Instead, these groups want U.S. leaders to treat Israel as if it were the fifty-first state. Democrats and Republicans alike fear the lobby’s clout. They all know that any politician who challenges its policies stands little chance of becoming president.”

That was an except from an Article in the New York Times found here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/23/books/chapters/0923-1st-mear.htm?_r=1

What do YOU think of this? Is there any truth to it? If not, tell me why you feel that way. If it IS indeed true, than it’s also true that our politicians (as well as President) are bought and owned (which means we’re ALL bought and owned) by these powerful lobbies – who have their own best interests – not ours – in mind…

09.21.09 Weightloss Update

September 21st, 2009 No Comments

Okay, so July 13th was my last update.. Since then, I’ve lost another fifteen pounds. At this very moment, I weigh 174.6 pounds at 15.7% body fat and 28.0% lean mass. I thought 15% body fat would do the trick, but it won’t. The good news is – I’m very, very close to where I need to be. 12-13% body fat is where I’ll be comfortable. And that, I’m sure of. So I’m about three percentage points away from my final goal for fat loss – which I will reach by December 31st – the latest. I’m pretty confident that I’ll remain over 160lbs when all is said and done. So those who are worrying about me getting down to 140lbs like I did several years ago – you can stop worrying. Furthermore, I’ll be doing a LEAN bulk for the entire year of 2010. I expect to be around 180lbs or 190lbs at 12-13% body fat when I’m finished.

Obviously I’d set very long-term goals back in January. 2009 was/is an entire year dedicated to losing fat. I’ve gone from 243.4 pounds (not my heaviest, actually) at 26.8% body fat and 39.0% lean mass to 174.6 pounds at 15.7% body fat and 28.0% lean mass in nine months. I’ve lost 11.1% body fat and 11.0% lean mass. That’s about half the fat I had on my body – as well as half the muscle I had. I’ll get the muscle back next year.

All is took was persistence and dedication. I wake up first thing every morning and get on a tread mill at 3.4-4.0 miles per hour for 40 minutes – which usually comes to 2.5 miles. I weight train on Monday (Chest/Shoulders/Triceps), Tuesday (Back, Biceps, Traps), Wednesday (Legs and Forearms) and Friday (Full Body) and get an additional 20 minutes (1.25 miles) of treadmill cardio directly afterwards. On Thursday I do an additional 40 minutes of cardio on the treadmill and on Saturday and Sunday I do my morning session and then move around throughout the day since I’m not at my desk.

If you’re looking to start something like this – you certainly don’t have to begin the way I’m ending off. I only go crazy as much as I do because I’ve become very comfortable with it. At time during the middle of the day, I’ll just start jumping rope. Why? Because I have a goal and I know I’m going to get there. When you first start, just start off with 20 minutes of cardio first thing in the morning before you eat anything. You don’t even have to change your diet at this point. Do it for a month – yeah – bite the bullet and suffer for a month – and you’ll be so surprised at how much you accomplish in that time, that you’ll add more workout sessions and change your diet like I did. When you SEE something working, nothing will stand in your way. I’ll post good before and after pictures before I start my bulk-up in January.

I mainly eat the same stuff every day. Protein shake, fat free (THICK) Greek yogurt, high fiber granola bar with peanut butter on top (all before lunch), lettuce with grilled chicken or fish with full-fat ranch dressing as a wrap or salad for lunch, and either another salad or something healthy that my Wife cooks for dinner. Snacking in between or after dinner is healthy as well. Frozen yogurt or some type of healthy crunchy snack (chips, pretzels) does the trick.

Weight (where listed) / Fat % / Body Mass Index %
29.3 / 37.1
27.1 / 37.7
26.8 / 38
26.5 / 38.4
242.2 / 26.9 / 38.8
243.4 / 26.8 / 39.0
239.8 / 26.0 / 38.4
232.8 / 25.6 / 37.3
232.4 / 25.7 / 37.2
229.8 / 24.9 / 36.8 (the first time under 230 in years – first goal achieved)
217.2 / 23.2 / 34.7
215.0 / 23.0 / 34.4
213.8 / 23.0 / 34.3
211.6 / 22.7 / 33.9
211.2 / 22.9 / 33.8
210.2 / 22.8 / 33.6 (210 – second goal achieved)
209.2 / 22.5 / 33.5
210.4 / 22.6 / 33.7
208.2 / 22.2 / 33.3
208.2 / 22.1 / 33.3
206.4 / 22.2 / 33.1
204.4 / 22.0 / 32.8
203.2 / 21.7 / 32.5
204.8 / 21.5 / 32.8
202.4 / 21.4 / 32.4
202.0 / 21.4 / 32.3
203.0 / 21.3 / 32.5
200.2 / 21.1 / 32.0
200.6 / 21.0 / 32.1
199.4 / 21.1 / 32.0 (under 200 – third goal achieved)
199.4 / 20.7 / 32.0
198.4 / 20.5 / 31.8
194.8 / 20.5 / 31.2
196.8 / 20.2 / 31.6
197.2 / 20.1 / 31.6
194.8 / 20.1 / 31.6
194.8 / 20.1 / 30.9
191.4 / 19.8 / 30.7
190.4 / 19.1 / 30.5
190.6 / 19.0 / 30.5
188.8 / 19.1 / 30.3
188.2 / 18.6 / 30.1
191.2 / 18.4 / 30.6
188.6 / 19.0 / 30.3
189.2 / 18.3 / 30.3
—————- Since last update
188.8 / 18.6 / 30.3
188.2 / 18.6 / 30.1
187.6 / 18.7 / 30.0
187.6 / 18.5 / 30.0
185.4 / 18.2 / 29.7
184.6 / 18.0 / 29.5
184.8 / 17.8 / 29.6
184.0 / 18.3 / 29.5
182.4 / 18.1 / 29.2
181.4 / 18.2 / 29.1
180.8 / 18.1 / 29.0
181.8 / 18.1 / 29.2
181.0 / 17.5 / 28.8
179.2 / 17.7 / 28.7 (under 180 – fourth goal achieved)
178.8 / 17.3 / 28.7
180.0 / 17.5 / 28.8
178.8 / 17.2 / 28.7
177.8
175.0 / 17.2 / 28.0
176.2 / 17.0 / 28.2
—————- Went to Disney and ate like a normal human being
179.0 / 17.0 / 28.7 (as you can see here – after eating normally – my lean mass increased quite a bit – a good sign)
178.2 / 16.6 / 28.5
177.0 / 15.7 / 28.3
176.4 / 16.3 / 28.3
174.6 / 15.7 / 28.0

Human Beings and Their High Expectations

September 14th, 2009 No Comments

The divorce rate in America is approximately 50%.. I think one of the reasons for this may have something to do with the high expectations we have for our significant others. When you first meet your husband or wife (or girlfriend or boyfriend), you mainly see all the good stuff – especially if the attraction is largely physical (which it often is). If you didn’t live with your husband or wife before you got married, then you never had the chance to see all the pluses and minuses he or she had before you committed. If you did live with one another, than hopefully by the time you got married, you knew what you were getting into. Very few (if any) surprises. Good.

So as the years go by, you start seeing all the not-so-great stuff. Bad or silly habits, mistakes that he or she keeps making over and over (we can’t be good at everything), forgetfulness, bitterness, selfishness… She doesn’t really like giving oral sex (what a surprise), he doesn’t really like candle-lit dinners and chick flicks, maybe he’s not as romantic as he played off to be, maybe she doesn’t really like stupid football. Whatever.

So years go by and along comes Miss/Mr. Perfect. She/He looks great and likes everything you expect him/her to like. The grass is greener. Right? Well there ya go.. You’re actually falling for this again?! This new guy/girl has issues as well. Nobody’s perfect. You just don’t see the big picture yet. So you’re going to screw up your marriage for what? A very similar situation.. And in the end, now you’ve got a new relationship (if you’re lucky) with only a small percentage of time in the “bank”. Since good relationships take time to build – and now you’re starting all over – was/is it really worth it?

At any rate – here’s an interesting chart from www.divorcerate.org

Age at marriage for those who divorce in America
Age———————-Women——Men
Under 20 years old— 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years old— 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years old— 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years old— 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years old— 5.1% 6.5%

Does your wife’s ass REALLY look good in those jeans?

September 14th, 2009 No Comments

Honey? Does my ass look good in these jeans?

Everybody knows how they’re supposed to answer that stupid question. NO! It DOESN’T look good!

Just kidding. Sometimes it does.. Sometimes it doesn’t.. But are you supposed to lie? Yes. Why?

If I put on a shirt and ask my wife if it looks good on me, for F’s sake I don’t want her to lie to me! I don’t want to walk around the mall wearing a shirt that makes me look like a flaming dick face. If it looks bad on me – don’t lie! If you want to lie a little bit, you can break the news to me gently. Say it doesn’t fall right on me.. It just doesn’t look right on me.. Something! But I want the truth! You don’t have to tell me it makes me look like a fat idiot. But honestly – I’d rather you say so if it’s true rather than tell me it looks good on me.

But that’s just me. I don’t know for sure if other guys feel the way I do – but I bet they do. What about women?

If you’re my wife and you ask me how your ass looks is your jeans, dress or whatever – I’m telling you the truth – out of respect. If it looks really bad on you, I’ll break the news gently – but I’ll let you know! Is this wrong? Would you rather walk around with a butt that only Sir Mix-a-lot can appreciate? Or would you rather have me let you know so you could change into something more appealing? I mean, hell! You apparently respect my opinion… Shouldn’t I return the favor?

P.S. Regarding the video below… I haven’t watched the whole thing in a long, long time – but I don’t remember any of the women dancing having a big butt… Interesting?