On the I95 here in South Florida, we have a HOV (high occupancy vehicle) lane where during rush hour, you’re only allowed to use it while you’ve got more than one person in the vehicle. In case you’re not familiar with HOV lanes, they’re a privilege for those who car pool. Anyway – at one point, the lane ends and it merges with the “fast” lane right next to it. Every morning there’s lots of traffic during rush hour – and this turns into a bottleneck – and everyone is basically stopped momentarily to let these privileged drivers in.

Before you get the wrong idea, I’m not complaining about these “privileged” drivers – because I’m one of them. I’m complaining about the intellectually meager subhumans who won’t let you in when it’s time to merge… What’s wrong with these people? What’s going to happen if you let me into the lane in front of you – like you’re supposed to do? Are you going to be late for work now? I MIGHT be able to understand if I had a huge truck that you could not see past. Or if I had a piece of crap car with exhaust fumes spouting from the muffler pipes. But that’s not the case.

These “people” must have such a crappy life that they need to do whatever they possibly can to bring down regular people. Well that’s not going to work with me, PussyFace. You should SEE what I do to these low-lifes. I make them miserable (I can only guess). I do whatever it takes to get in front of them. And if I see them purposely push somebody away by jumping on and off the gas to keep really close to their car in front of them, well, that’s when I come in. I get in there ANYWAY.

Now I don’t want you to get the idea that I’m being dangerous. We’re only moving between one and five miles per hour at this point. And I don’t want to get into a whole ‘nother story about WHAT I do and HOW I do it – but I get where I need to be – regardless of what these idiots think about it. Some of you might ask, “well what if the other driver DOESN’T let you get in and hits you?”… What then? I’ll throw my car in the garbage and buy a new one. Why? Because I can. And Mr. or Mrs. Moron will have to pay out of his/her own pocket to fix their vehicle because they’re certainly not going to get their insurance company involved. I make sure that if I’m hit, it’s in the right spot to make it a LOSE/LOSE for THEM.

So today’s lesson is – if your life sucks and you’re a dick – stay home. Don’t drive. Because chances are, you’re going to run into somebody like me – and it’s only going to get worse…

Humans and Their Silly Driving

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