Well. It’s been six months since my last update. Boy, I guess I’m not a very good blogger. Oh and if you’re reading this on Facebook, you have to click the F’ing link to read more! Otherwise you’re going to be like, “WTF?!”. So click the Facebook “more” link – whatever it’s called – and read the whole damn post… ANYWAY… So I guess I should blog about something.

How about calling in sick for an office job – Properly… My goodness I had to learn everything the hard way. When I started one of my first “fairly” real full time jobs, one would have to ASK to go to the bathroom. Can you imagine that? A grown (well, 18 years old) adult having to ASK to go to the bathroom at an office job? I don’t know how long it took me to get out of that stupid habit but after a while (and I mean a real while), I stood up one day and said, “I’m going to the (fucking) bathroom” – and I walked out. Now I didn’t say “fucking” out loud – but shit – I said it inside. Anyway – WTF was that all about? Sometimes you just fall into place with everybody else and follow along like a stupid animal without even thinking. I think that’s a major problem with most people these days. Most people don’t think for themselves. It took me a long time to learn so I don’t blame you if you’re still in that silly habit…

That nonsense being said – you can’t just call in sick to some jobs. Some bosses make you go in anyway. You never call in telling your boss you’re not feeling well. When you call, you’re not coming in. There’s no debate or argument. “Good morning, Whoever. I won’t be in today. I’m sick. I’ll give you a call later if it looks like I won’t be in tomorrow either.”. DONE. (If you’re job security is so bad that that gets you fired, than you’re just doing yourself a favor and getting a new job sooner than later – because you suck at your current job.) Never ask to stay home sick. And if you have one of those bosses who doesn’t have a handle on things and can’t move forward without your presence – then you need to catch him or her off guard with something ridiculous that they either won’t clearly know how to respond to – or even want to.

One time I called in sick FARTING. Yeah. Farting. I told my boss I had unbelievable gas, my stomach hurt and I couldn’t stop farting. That’s one the boss never heard before. First, he/she isn’t entirely sure what to say or ask – second – would he/she really want you in the office?

If your boss is a woman, tell her your penis is bleeding. If you want the day off, FUCKIN’ SAY IT. She’s not going to try and convince you to come to work with a bleeding penis. Say it, you wimp.

The more embarrassing your ailment is, the less your boss is going to want you in the office. “My balls are killing me”. “My vagina hurts”. “I can’t stop crapping”. Whatever.

Or, maybe times have changed enough that you don’t need to do this type of thing anymore. It seems like people just do whatever they want nowadays anyway…

So there’s my latest blog. I haven’t had any reason to blog lately. Nothing really to complain about. So I just pulled this one out of my ass. I had ten spare minutes and I was bored. Deal with it… And NO! You cannot have your five minutes back.

Thank you very much! And have a wonderful day/night…

Sal

 

How to “properly” call in sick for an office job

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