My pets are unique. They’re unique because I’m always home – which means they get to see “me” all the time. They’ve learned a lot from a human being. My cats eat like me. I’ll get to that in a moment.

I have this one cat – a Blue Russian – she’s an eating MACHINE. I’m pretty sure this is just in her nature – but watching me eat over the years probably hasn’t helped. In any event – I need to feed my cats manually throughout the day – as opposed to what you’d normally do: fill a bowl with food for each one every morning.

I could have five cats all with a bowl full of food in the morning – and they’d ALL be empty after their first meal because the Blue Russian would eat everything the other cats didn’t finish. So that’s that. I feed my cats 4-5 times per day – depending on how many hours I’m awake.

It’s been like this for years – but I guess cats aren’t smart like dogs. These cats must be like, “OMG! Food! I don’t know WHEN I’m getting my next meal! EAT IT ALL!!!!!!!!!”. So as soon as I pour the food into their bowls – GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s gone… Well. The Blue Russian finishes in about five seconds. Otherwise, it takes about two minutes…

I think to myself, “Man. You should eat it slowly. At least you’d TASTE it. And kind of enjoy it…”

Then again, more often then not, I do the same thing. If I have something good in front of me – GAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gone in two seconds. And I think to myself, “Man. That was good. I wish I had more…”

I’m guessing that’s exactly what my cats are thinking…

That brings me to women. It seems to take a woman five minutes to eat a yogurt. Have you ever really watched those yogurt commercials? They slowly scoop out a spoonful (full?) of yogurt, slowly eat it, wave their arm around a little bit, think about something for a few moments, and eventually go back and scoop another spoonful. Forget about it! With me there’s no waiting. No waving my arm around. No thinking. I’m scooping non-stop like a f’n machine until there’s nothing left…

And not that I’m an eating-woman-watcher – but I’ve noticed this quite often over the years. Women just eat SLOWLY. That’s great. I wish I could do that – without thinking. Sometimes I catch myself and avoid scoffing down my food. And I’ve been noticing more often lately since I’m an old fart now. I can’t just eat like a lunatic or I’ll die an early death.

Anyway. So that’s something cats and women have taught me. Eat slowly… Is anyone else a freakin’ animal like me? Have a bag of chips – no matter how big it is – and just keep grabbing those chips without pause until there’s nothing left? :p I’m a snacker…

Oh, speaking of snacks. TRY THESE! Now. They’re actually addicting AND good for you…

What I’ve learned from Cats (and Women)

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